I've been thinking a lot about frameworks. And if you've been with me for any length of time, you're aware that we each live life from a set of frameworks.

You might call them defaults, beliefs, perspectives, biases, or the lenses through which we interpret life and the situations we encounter.

Whatever you call them, I think they should come with a warning label, like the side view mirror on your car.

Example

The frameworks we operate from can create disagreement even on things we can do nothing about.

You can’t do anything about the weather, but two people can have a completely different take on the same experience.

One farmer might say, “I hope it rains soon. I need the rain.” A couple of miles down the road another would say, “I hope the rain holds off a few more days. I don’t need the rain right now.”

Same general area. Same “job.” But different experiences because of the frameworks each were operating under.

Another weather example.

(You don’t mind, do you?)

I live in Massachusetts where we frequently experience temps in the low 20’s, day after day.

If we get a day in the 50s we’re out in our shorts and shirtsleeves.

But if we got that same 55-degree day in the middle of summer, we’d be wanting that warm sweater or hoodie. We’d be freezing!

Same temperature. Different framework.

Reality Check

We are each the products of culture, family, education, experiences, the people we spend the most time with, and the media we choose to consume.

We tend to view situations, events, and what others do through our own embedded frameworks.

In all of that, I fear we are most likely to forget the admonition the apostle Paul have us.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things.
— Philippians 4:8 BSB

Practical Application

I watched an Instagram reel from one of my subscribers, Kirsten Roberts, where she told about how her husband replaces the trash bag in their kitchen trash can.

So, one of my things that I—I don’t know—it’s just a little annoyance to me, is, when you put a new trash bag in a trash can, and it kind of billows up on the sides because the bag traps the air.

It’s pretty simple to fix. When you put the bag in, you just push the air out of the corner, and then the bag goes down, and it’s fine. It works nicely. You put the trash in, and it doesn’t fill up immediately because of the trapped air.

Now, my husband, he doesn’t push the air out of the side. He just puts the bag in, and it’s kind of puffy. And when I put the bag in, I always push the air out of the side.

And so I realized that would bother me, that when he put the new trash bag in, it would be puffy, and I would have to fix it.

Well, here’s what the Holy Spirit showed me, and it is so easy it’s almost silly. My reaction, my perspective, and even my pet peeve are all my choice.

I’ve been working on this with my six-year-old, and the Holy Spirit very kindly and gently reminded me that I need to work on it myself as well. And it’s this:

What is the good I can get out of this?

And in that aspect, it was so easy and quick, and immediately changed my perspective.

“Oh my gosh, my husband took out the trash without me asking, without me saying anything. He just took out the trash and put a new bag in. And I didn’t have to do that.”

Can I be grateful that he just takes out the trash?

More often than not, when the bag is puffy, what does that tell me? It tells me, I’m not the one who had to take out the trash or put a new bag in.

And is it really that big of a deal for me to open the corner, puff out the air, and fix it? No, really, not a big deal.

So, something that triggered a pet peeve and made me react to my husband and say, “Hey, you never do this. You never do it right,” instead was an opportunity for me to say, “Hey, thank you for always taking the trash out. I really appreciate that.”

And that’s where it needs to stop. And there’s nothing else I need to say about that except thank you.

Our perspective is all up to us.

— Kirsten Roberts, Instagram

In the middle of a frustrating situation, Kirsten basically asked, “What am I missing?”

She didn’t want to feel irritated. She didn’t want to have resentment. She didn’t want to vent at her husband.

You Don’t Have To Live That Way

You don’t have to live with resentment, frustration, or anger.

Kirsten wanted something different, and God is gracious to show us new frameworks for viewing life when we are open to receive.

Sometimes all it takes is putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and seeing things from their perspective.

When you say, “WHAT were they THINKING!?” maybe you should be asking, “What were THEY thinking?”

Remember,

No one else thinks like you do.

Jayce

A man’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense.
— Proverbs 19:11 BSB

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
— Proverbs 4:23 BSB

For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
— Proverbs 23:7 BSB

Let all bitterness and rage and anger and clamor and slander be removed from you, along with all malice.
— Ephesians 4:31 BSB

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things.
— Philippians 4:8 BSB